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Making it through the day....

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Jan. 13th, 2006 | 01:18 am
mood: crushed crushed

I slept alot today, it was 1 month ago that my precious little baby boy got his angel wings.

I am still trying my best to understand this whole thing, and of coarse I can't.  I mean why should my baby have to leave this earth that soon.  Is this really happening?  I wish everyday that it was just one big horrible nightmare, and then I remember it is real and that I am here and Alex isn't with me anymore.   I miss him terribly,  I am so angry that sometimes I feel like I am going to explode.  I get really grouchy at times and try not to direct it in the wrong direction towards Dale or the kids, but I know that I do sometimes, I just hope they understand.  And that I am sorry.

Alex I look at your picture every morning when I get up and everynight before I go to bed I go up in your room to say goodnight.  I cry at some point everyday, and my arms ache to hold your little body and kiss you.  I am trying to keep things together for Daddy and the kids but it is so hard sometimes.  I feel like my heart is ripping out of my chest most of the time.  You brought so much joy to my life the few months you were with me, but I will be sad so many more months than that.  Mommy knows that I will never ever get over losing you, but I want you to know just like I told you a month ago I am so very proud to be your mommy, and I knew that as much as it hurt me I had to tell you it was ok to go and that you would always be with me.  I send kisses to heaven to you every day.  Your smiling face comforts me when I am really missing you or having a bad moment.  I know you will always be in my heart and on my mind.  I miss you so much baby.

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Comments {1}

Stacy Parker aka Mercae Killar

From: mercae_killar
Date: Jan. 13th, 2006 08:12 am (UTC)
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I really don't know of anything to say that could really make a diffrence, so all I can really do is *hugs*

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